Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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