First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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