can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
