I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
