well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
