Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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