She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
