where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
