Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
