You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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