she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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