1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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