My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
