if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
