Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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