Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
