so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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