so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
