Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
