Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
