I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
