there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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