I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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