He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i think my cat just said my name.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
