I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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