I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
