my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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