after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's rum buckets o'clock
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
