mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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