i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
