Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I can text with my tongue
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
