Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
