It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
