His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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