This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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