on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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