I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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