I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
