Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
