James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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