i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
