i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We got so high we made milksteak
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She bit a glass in half.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
