You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
