Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
