i think my mom watched the whole time
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
