He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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