My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
