You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
