just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
