Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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