The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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