The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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