My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
